Nurture yourself to be sensitized - not sensitive

Nurture yourself to be sensitized  - not sensitive

The Pandemic Co-Vid 19 has positioned people of my age in a quandary, for we are sandwiched between those who carried us on their shoulders; and those whom we carried on our shoulders.  We don’t know if we have to deal with the depression of the qualified yet unemployable young at home, or venerated unemployable at home, keeping aside our own depressions, anxieties, concerns, apprehensions and worries.

In a situation like this, when frustrations of a successful actor - befitting the position of a role model, ending in his suicide, is definitely a misguiding signal to the youth, making our state of affairs more complex.  At the same time, the elderly at home, especially those with terminal illnesses, would then any day endorse euthanasia.  The thought of loss of either of them, is a big blow to deal with for the rest of the family. 

All this would be valid, if death were the established source of end of existence.  Maybe, it is, but, unfortunately, it is not so for the family, because every death leaves behind a trail of agony, anguish and rancor for those who have to live through it.

Any amount of research done on the cause for such a drastic step seems to have been in vain, especially keeping mind the case of Sushant Singh Rajput, who had his fair share of name, fame, money, position, and all that we think complete our circle of life expectations.  What therefore could be the reason for such a ghastly act? 

My take on this is - our high expectation of wanting more than what is doled out to us and the reality thereof falling short of these expectations.  For all practical purposes, he was a successful actor with a fair share of fan following; and he was just in the entry mode; hence, in all probability, his high expectations betrayed him.

Permit me to say that a person considering suicide as the best solution is being very selfish because he is so blinded by his own feelings that he becomes un-empathetic and inconsiderate towards the feelings of the rest of the family, the pain and sorrow that they have to go through.  A poignant scene in the epic movie 3Idiots sensitizes the audience to this reality.

Situations, posers, hardships, are all a part of the grind that all of us have to go through, how we deal with them is in our hands.  Speaking to friends, relatives, mentors, counselors, professionals, can any day augur well for the individual.  Above all, being compassionate and considerate about the rest of the family, will definitely allow the individual to think of alternate options to deal with the situation differently.  We cannot control the nature and behavior of the other people in our life, however, we can change the way we react to it.  If we stop being over sensitive in reacting to people around us, then I feel that battle is won.  

Prakash F Madhwani

17^th June 2020

Amitabh Bachchan - Perseverance Personified

Amitabh Bachchan - Perseverance Personified

The Big B Amitabh Bachchan, came into entertainment industry in 1969-70, the time when he had to play second fiddle to the greats of those years.  Then with Zanjeer, he broke all shackles and zoomed to stardom ruling the industry with almost every movie being a big hit

Misfortune struck when he met a Near Death Experience while shooting for the movie Coolie, he was out of business for a while and almost written off; but he bounced back and how!  The secret again was - Tremendous grit and perseverance indeed.

Then ABCL happened, and people wrote him off, looking at his huge losses, debts and controversies.  He may have gone through his share of woes, till KBC happened; and once again he was back in business, rising from the ashes like the legendary bird Phoenix.  With his perseverance he repaid every rupee and regained the glory that was the middle name of Big B.  He justified the legendary song, “A man and his will to survive”.

From Zanjeer to Gulabo Sitabo, he has had a long journey of over 5 decades; failures must have been there, but undeterred; he just moved on, accepting roles all and sundry, not knowing what appeals the audience. Probably this dialogue from his movie Sarkar sums it up for him; Mujhe jo sahi lagta hai main karta hoon, fir chahe wo bhagwan ke khilaaf ho, kanoon ke khilaf ho ya pure system ke khilaaf.

Today, at the ripe age of 78, he is one of the busiest actors with assignments of movies, TV, Commercial ads, Social Message Commercials, OTT movies and all that is needed for screen presence. Here, I would like to quote his dear friend Shatruji, from one of his interview -“Iss umar mein bhi Paa, Pink aur Piku jaisi picture sirf Amitji hee kar sakte hai, aur koi nahin.” How true indeed.  From the stern faced Narayan Shankar of Mohabatein to the young at heart Dattatraya Vakharia in 102 Not Out, he has been a man who intrigues every spectator with his versatility, and as I mentioned earlier, Perseverance.

His long fleet of cars, his assets worth thousands of crores, and all that one would aspire in life, he proudly possesses, but his greatest trait is - humility; willingness to work with anybody and everybody, and respect for his co-artistes.  All this apart, his unconditional love and respect for his parents, is a lesson for all of us to emulate; as he has often quoted this to be his secret for success. 

Big B is indeed Perseverance Personified, and even after 50 years in this entertainment industry, his dialogue from 1981 hit Kaalia, “Hum jahan khade ho jaate hain, line wahi se shuru hoti hai”, holds good.  He still is a force to reckon.

The grit, determination and perseverance of Big B is a lesson for all of us.  Long live Amitabh Bachchan ji.

Prakash F Madhwani              21^st June 2020

Together……. Forever……..

Together……. Forever……..

A snap shot on my desk for my approval,

A floral braid, vermillion forehead, a petite belle;

For my life partner, my mother’s best proposal.

The snap shot on my desk, my life partner, this belle.

Through the summers, with our now adult children,

A complete family, now with their spouse and children.

Amidst diabetes, B P, cataract and all travails,

Into our sunset years; and pronto – our golden jubilee hails.

The postings, the promotions, the retirement,

Pre natal, postnatal tensions, and life’s commitments;

Shaky hands, waned legs, grayed hair, balded pate,

The belle in the snap shot remains by me, my eternal mate.

Did we go through life, or did life go past us?

We didn’t realize how the years saunter.

The journey we started together, continues,

So do the squabbles, the irate tones, the wants & don’t wants.

No- nothing seems to have changed,

Yet times have certainly changed.

And through all this, we stand by one another,

Life partners, forever and ever…….

Prakash F Madhwani

24^th Aug 2009

This poem is dedicated to those lucky few couples, who have completed their golden anniversary; a commendable achievement indeed.

Home coming

I retrieve and darn your moth smitten

Tattered booties and mittens;

I knitted them for you – my baby

Before we heard your first cry.

Wow! How time has flown,

Soon, you flew out to a world unknown,

Your spouse, your tots, I barely know,

Attached or Distanced, like a tree and its bough.

I look up at the smiling half moon,

I smile and recall – as a tiny tot

Your love for the glowing full moon,

Wanting it to play, Oh! How you fought.

Oh! Its been years and years,

Since I saw you, your wife, your tiny tots,

The best tiding of your visit home – in full lot,

Drowns the sorrowful tears, with joyous tears.

I smile back at the smiling half moon too,

As I await your short break – coming home,

Stare at the endless list of things to do,

Pace the home, where to begin from.

Booties and mittens is what I had for you,

And that’s where I begin this time too,

Mother’s recipe, savouries of your choice,

Oh dear! I yearn to hear your little ones voice.

How long your stay would be, I see not,

But, every moment of it I shall cherish,

That I’ve promised myself and the whole lot,

For, soon, in a mundane rut, how we perish.

Swami Vivekananda, a brief insight

Swami Vivekananda is considered as the thundering monk, who created awareness amongst the youth of India, at a time when there was a dire need of direction for our youth. His message is so universal in nature, that it is applicable to our youth of today, as much as it was 150 years ago. While discussing about Swami Vivekananda with some elderly people, I thought it was time to refresh my memory from my school and college readings about Swami Vivekananda, and the end result is this article.

I am sure all of you have seen Lage Raho Munnabhai, you remember the scene when he enters the library to study about Gandhiji. And then what does he do, he picks the smallest book on Gandhiji. Well, I too had a similar experience; I started my preparation on Swami Vivekananda with a small pocket book, and then book after book, I found it so fascinating and inspiring – the end result being this comprehensive matter.

On 12^th Jan 1863, in the well known Datta family of Calcutta, a family known for affluence, philanthropy and scholarly learning, was born a monk of India, to this day regarded as the thundering monk Swami Vivekananda. 12^th Jan is observed as World Youth day, to commemorate his birthday, because he was a true icon for the youth, and it’s a matter of pride for us that he was an Indian.

Let me begin with a few things that he strongly advocated.

Do not believe in a thing because you have read about it in a book.

Do not believe in a thing because another man has said it was true.

Do not believe in words because they are hallowed by tradition.

Find out the truth for yourself. Reason it out. That is realization.

So, you too can take a clue from this and instead of accepting all that I say as gospel truth, it becomes your bounden duty to research on your own, and ascertain yourselves about the formidability of his teachings. As regards this subject of Vivekananda, there is an ocean of information available and what I have here is a very small fraction. Since you are all internet savvy, you can also go on to the Swami Vivekananda sites and get lot of information especially from the London centre, which is more active in this field than many of us Indians. And I can guarantee you that once you understand his words, you will be a transformed youth, transformed for the betterment of yourself as an individual and for all of you collectively as the youth of the society who are the future of our nation.

The other aspect he stressed on was to be fearless, be courageous and have presence of mind. Let me take a detour here - in lighter vein, may be that is where Salim - Javed drew their inspiration from and used the famous dialogue in the legendary movie Sholay, wherein Gabbar Singh says Jo dar gaya samjho mar gaya. But let me warn you that that fearlessness and courage he is talking about is not to become a Gabbar Singh, but fearlessness in upholding the true values of life, honesty in our every action and courage to fight for the upliftment of the society.

The next point is - he advocated that everyone is quite free and independent to teach what he likes, if you have the spirit within, you will attract others……he said, “individuality is my motto. I have no ambition beyond training individuals. I know very little and that little I teach without reserve; where I am ignorant, I confess; I am a sanyasin. As such, I hold myself as a servant, not as a master in the world”.

That is the level of humility we have to elevate ourselves to, to confess what we know not, to act as servants of society, to respect that individuality because we know every individual is different.

Na mata, na pita, na bhrata, na bhandhu, you don’t have to await their judgment, except the judgment of your conscience. Every night, before sleeping, if you ponder on the actions and deeds you have gone through during the day, and you may have fooled your master or the boss, but if your inner conscience says you are wrong, then your head will hang in shame in your own eyes. You may copy or even steal notes from your friend and present as your own, you may bribe a peon to get the exam sheets, you may carry chits in your sleeves to the exam hall, all this happens, and if you remember the movie Lage Raho, Circuit gives these ideas to Munnabhai, but in the movie his conscience doesn’t permit him, that is the realization that Swami Vivekananda talks of that we must have. Realization is not getting magical and yogic powers, realization is honest to self, righteous conduct, respect for elders, especially the parents and the teachers. Don’t cheat yourself, you may get through for the day, but you will not get ahead in life.

Going back to the courage to confess that was mentioned earlier, we put up a false front in the society, among friends, then quietly sneak up for confession. In the church, you will find a confession box, how many of you have used it? How many of you go to temple and do this or go to Tirupati to absolve yourselves, or take a holy dip to absolve yourself. All of us do. Right. But when we come back, old account is squared up, all sins and bad deeds are now washed off, so we can restart now. Correct! Last semester I cheated and got through, went to the temple, put 100 rupees in the hundi, now I can cheat afresh. Yes, you can do it, provided, the man in the glass, your inner self, approves of it. If the man in the glass does not approve of it, then remember, you have to transform yourself. When each one of you is transformed, then only the society will be transformed. You and I form the society, you and I curse the society that means we are cursing ourselves isn’t it. Endorsing Swami Vivekanada’s preaching on this, Mahatma Gandhi has said, You be the change.

Let me take you to the famous Parliament of religion now. Swami Vivekananda’s talk at the Parliament of religion in 1893 is most significant because that was the first call of awakening the people to realize that all religions are equal – sarva dharma samanatva. All else that was spoken at this world parliament of religion is long forgotten, but to this day Swami Vivekananda’s preaching are still cherished and quoted world over. He opened the eyes of the people that every religion is rich in its philosophical depth, in spiritual intensity, in individual vigour of thought, in breadth and sincerity of humanity and human sympathy. He pleaded the people to search for truth and arrive at our own first hand experience of reality and divinity.

At this Parliament, representing Christianity was Cardinal Gibbons, the highest prelate among the Roman Catholics, and the other speakers included Annie Beasant of theosophical society, Dharmapada of Ceylon Buddhists, Majumdar of Brahmo Samaj and representatives of Islam, Shintoism, Jainism and other religions.

With these erudite speakers sat a first timer Swami Vivekananda. Yes my dear friends, it was his maiden speech, like you and me and all present here, he too had stage fright, trembling legs, dried mouth, fluttering heart, and an audience of 7000 people from various religions, cultures and races. When he rose, he offered his prayers to Goddess Saraswati and when he said, Sisters and Brothers of America, it sent an instant message of reverence to all assembled there, and instantly they arose in their seats and gave him a thundering standing ovation. He spoke to them in a natural manner, with candid warmth of a brother. He spoke straight from his heart, he spoke with utmost sincerity. If all of us adapt this in life, even we too will be heard and accepted with that sort of admiration.

He said that religions are divided into three parts, the rituals, the mythology, the philosophy. Our rituals may vary, our mythological characters and stories may vary, but our philosophy is same, it is the common thread of all religions, preaching humanity human sympathy and ethical living, be it at your college in your academics, at home with parents, socially with friends or later in your life, in service or business. He pleaded for termination of sectarianism, bigotry and fanaticism. He said let this conference bring about the death knell to fanaticism, infinite is God and infinite are the ways to reach Him. Friends, he was an orator by divine right, a model representative of his race, a perfect master of English language, the sensation of the world’s parliament.

I mentioned bigotry, sectarianism, fanaticism; let me bring a coincidence to explain this. The date of the parliament of religion is unique, it has a triple coincidence. In 19^th Century, on this day, this parliament was held as a show of bigotry but Swami Vivekananda opened the eyes of the world here. On same date in 20^th Century, to open the eyes of the world to sectarianism, Mahatma Gandhi started his first satyagraha in South Africa. And now in 21^st Century, on the same date there was a blatant show of power and fanaticism, when the twin towers were razed to ground. Yes my friends, it is Sept. 11, what a coincidence, a strange coincidence indeed. The only difference is today we don’t have the beacon light, the guiding hand of a Vivekananda or a Mahatma amidst us. That’s our misfortune, but let us pray that we have one soon.

Swami Vivekananda during his travel through the length and breadth of India has several interesting encounters and anecdotes that make interesting reading. Once it is said that a dog ran away with his bread, and he ran behind it saying, oh Lord! Please stop, Let me butter the slice for you. For a man who could see God in a dog, you can imagine how difficult it must have been for him to see the evil effects of caste system. He claimed that his Guru, Shri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, had asked him to dedicate his life to regenerate his motherland, because she was obscured with starvation, ignorance and above all superstition. Renunciation of wants and greed will rid us of starvation, and studying the Vedas will wipe out the ignorance of mind and self imposed shackles of superstitious beliefs including the caste system. He used to share his meals with the shudras much to the displeasure of his observers, but he said that to humanity and human sympathy man is one, there is no caste to the being. Here, I am reminded of the famous Kannada song, kuladali kil yavudo, hucchhappa mathadalli melyavudo, hutu sayuva halu, manshya manshyara madhye, mel yavudo kil yavudo. Once we are dead, our mortal remains know no caste, or faith or religion.

The success of his mission is celebrated even to this day because he showed our country India to the western world in a different light, which they had never seen or heard of. To them, a realized, learned monk coming from India was a shocking revelation, which later was converted into immense veneration. It is amply proved by the fact that many followed him and came to India in search of self realization.

He had prophesized that he will not see the 40^th year of his life, and on 04^th July 1902, he entered into Samadhi, when he was 39 years 5 months and 24 days old. Like the fabled last supper, he had one last meal with his devotees in the Belur Math and insisted that he would serve, and when the dinner was over, he washed their hands and dried them with a towel. An embarrassed Sister Nivedita said she should be doing this, and he simply said “Jesus washed the feet of his disciples”. How prophetic. He was so well learned and evolved, that shackles of religion could not bog him down. To him religion was ethical living, humanity and human sympathy.

Knowledge of the self, of the scriptures and of the religions will make you realize that ultimately, everything comes from our Vedas and Upanishads. Aham Brahmasmi, I am the Brahman the creator or the generator, Krishnam Vande Jagatguru, the operator who teaches us how to lead a life through the holy gita, this jeeva within us is Shiva, the destroyer - Generator, Operator, Destroyer, G O D that is GOD for all of you. He is within me, within you, within one and all. Hence, when we meet and greet others, there should be humility, divinity and above all sincere morality in our every action, in every walk of life.

Friends, I must have got carried away and been fervent or emotional at times, but that is the power of Swami Vivekananda, you become ardent and passionate about his preachings once you read them and follow them. When I started my talk, I told you about my beginning with a small pocket book – you too can follow suit and as the saying goes, the proof of pudding is in tasting. I urge all of you also to read about him and his writings and I am sure it will bring about a transformation within you. Your outlook to the world and the suffering in the world will change. Swami Vivekananda’s writings and preaching are his identity and though he is not with us today, he still inspires us through these books as a friend, a philosopher, a guide. Swami Vivekananda had a message of awakening for the nation, hope for the nation, dreams for the nation, and all of you – the youth of the nation have to pledge to yourself, to carry forward this dream, and for that the first step is do not cheat the man in the glass. That is a small leap for yourself but a giant leap for the mankind.

Just Change in Twenty Ten

The New Year Twenty Ten rings my door bell,

Joined by luck, health, wishing All is Well.

With pomp and gaiety, into my den –

I merrily usher in the New Year Twenty Ten.

I smell freshness from the bouquet of flowers,

I feel the chilly breeze, enjoy drizzly showers,

As I sit down to verse, with my pen,

And merrily usher in the New Year Twenty Ten.

I also pen down my moments of anguish and despair,

In the year gone by, when life was unfair;

I shred the list to bits and pieces when done,

And merrily, I usher in the New Year Twenty Ten.

Hope – is How Optimism Pushes Everyone,

I too move on with a dream of only one resolution;

Let me Just Change – myself, my ways, then -

I merrily usher in the New Year Twenty Ten.

Dad, I saw you.....

A young lad got married and settled down gloating over his moral and disciplined up bringing. He was pondering on this, and he realized that he should pen his thoughts in the form of an epistle of gratitude to his dad. He started every sentence with; “You may not be aware Dad, but I was observing you…..”

Dear Dad,

I saw mum and you celebrate my first painting, which proudly adored the refrigerator like a master piece; and you encouraged me to paint another master piece of mine.

I saw you appreciating me for being what I am, never compared me with my friends and their achievements; thus inspiring me to improve myself by competing with self.

I saw you feeding the dogs, cats and birds every morning; and learnt compassion for all living beings.

I saw you pray to God for inspiration to be a better person and guidance to deal with worldly issues.

I saw you lending a helping hand to friends, relatives and neighbours, especially those in hospital for medical treatment; thus teaching me to support those near and dear to us.

I saw you keeping in touch with other family members; even if others were being reticent; and today, they love and respect mummy and you because you were genuine in your concern for them. I learnt how important it is to be one with the family.

I saw you completing all your responsibilities even when you were fatigued or debilitated; thus teaching me the importance of our responsibilities and duties.

I saw you lying down alone, with moistened eyes when you were deeply hurt or in grief; and remembered thereafter that shedding a tear in sorrow is not a sign of cowardice.

I saw you showering your love and affection to your ageing parents, my grand parents; gently placing your hand on their shoulder as a mark of reassurance and support to them. Today, my compassionate attitude towards my elders is appreciated, the seeds for which were sown by you.

I saw you sit through the night by the side of your ailing mother, and today, I too peep in once I a way during the wee hours of the night to see mum and you sleeping well. You may say history repast itself, if so, so be it, but thanks to you for this teaching.

I saw you appreciating mummy’s finger licking preparations, or even a simple cup of tea in the evening, as I was playing on my video game in the adjacent room. I remember to follow suit with my wife too as I see my son surfing the net in the room yonder.

I remember the day a toast got burnt, while mummy was busy packing me off to school and you quietly ate it without a complain; for you respected her preoccupation in taking care of me.

I saw you showering your love to mummy with an occasional hug or a peck on her cheek and now ensure that I take care of my wife likewise; for I learnt that there is no sin in being naughty or flirty with your wife.

I saw you maintain calm composure and silence when our neighbour came to fight with you over a petty issue. I saw you gently diffuse the matter without offending him or getting into a verbal dual or argument. I learnt that there is so much of peace in this attitude. Why trouble myself, when I know that we cannot change certain things and situations in life. I may not be having your tolerance and patience; but I must admit that remembering your tolerance and patience during difficult times, really inspires me today.

I saw you treating our driver and other workers with sweets and luncheons during various festivals, taking care of their well being all the time.

I saw you treat vegetable vendors and rickshaw drivers with respect and remember how they spoke gently and affectionately with you.

I saw you spending your free time in reading good meaningful books, listening to soothing music or attending a discourse. I would be busy with my toys and games as you would narrate your learning experience; but I did pick a few things despite my preoccupation. Today, when I ponder on those random thoughts, I realize the life’s lessons you were imparting to me.

I saw you maintain a positive attitude, I saw your encouraging words, I saw your body language when struck with misfortune and adversities. Today, my friends and relatives appreciate this trait in me.

I have friends who became addicts to tobacco over the years because in some cases their addicted fathers sent them to those petty shops to buy things for them. Fortunately, you never had any such addiction and now all my friends appreciate me for being free of all these addictions.

Dad, I promise to you that I too will live a similar life of being a good role model and set a good example to my children. I know that just as I was observing you, I am being observed by my children every moment.

Your loving son.

The gist of this aphorism is that what we as mummies and daddies preach and correct our children is of little consequence; because what really influences them is how we behave ourselves, how we lead our lives, how we present ourselves, how our actions can inspire them.